Getting Old?

Thinking about how far I have walked up to this point...what I have been through...
All of a sudden, I feel older than I really am. Loneliness brings back the mental tiredness that I've been masking all this time. Sometimes, I feel like I'm insulting a lot of people by saying this, because they might have been through more than me, and here I am saying how I'm tired and etc. I guess that's one of the reasons why I don't like saying stuff...because I know people have been through worse things than me. And I know that I'm more fortunate than a lot of people. It just bothers me, that I can't say what I want to say....because in the end, I would get shot down by people saying I'm in no position to say such things. And it's not that I want attention...no, I don't people to look at me and pity me, sympathize me. I just want to be able to breathe without a shadow of concern in my mind. Although I have a certain friend to talk to about the specific problems...I don't want to keep approaching her...worried that my words will bring her burden, fearing that she might get distracted from her things because of me.

I'm scared of thinking of a certain thing that might break me. I have been walking straight, blocking out the existing main issue that hinders my path, which I would have to face one day...but for now....there's nothing I can do but pretend it's not there. Just pretend I'm blind and can't see it. Just act stupid and ignore it. That's what I have to do to keep myself going.

Edit: now that the main issue is partly gone, I still feel lost in the world. I don't know what I want to do, only what I have to do.